Hold Me
by ScarletMissCharlotte
Summary: Serena is feeling a little lost and struggling with her Mother's diagnosis with Dementia.


**A/N - At present this is a one-shot. I have thoughts of turning it into a two-shot, not sure yet. Not entirely happy with the latter section of this fiction, but the latter part holds the basis for the two-shot if I write it.**

**A/N 2 - I started writing this after 'Keeping Mum' So doesn't strictly follow what happened in 'Crush' but this is Fan fiction after all. It isn't supposed to be completely identical.**

**Hope this is acceptable. **

* * *

Hold Me

For months, headstrong Serena Campbell had been hiding a secret or at least she thought she was hiding a secret. Everyone one of her colleagues could see that her armour was slipping.

Little over six weeks ago, Serena had to face facts regarding her Mother's health; Adrienne was suffering from Dementia and it was only because of a near fatal accident did Serena ever dare to consider the truth. She had ignored it for so long, putting it down to her Mother's age - as everyone gets forgetful as they get older.

However, today was the day from hell a real emotional struggle, her mother found herself admitted to AAU after wandering off on her own, she had only been left for a minute and Adrienne had managed to make her way into one of the kitchens and burnt her hand on boiling water from the kettle. She had missed the cup completely and poured the water on her hand.

Yet, that was not the thing that troubled Serena the most when she heard of her Mother's admittance to AAU, Of course, it was heartbreaking to see her Mother so vulnerable and unaware of her circumstances. It hurt deeper when Serena realised her Mother suddenly had no idea who she was. The words "Who are you? I do not have a daughter" hit Serena hard and it completely shattered her heart. Concerning parental figures, she only had her mother left and now without her even being dead, she felt like she had lost her.

Part of Serena wished her mother had suffered severely from the stroke, and subsequently left in a 'Locked-In' syndrome state. She could have coped with that, at least her mother would know who she was unlike now, where Serena had become a faceless nobody to her Mother, rather than her daughter.

Furthermore, Guy Self had dismissed her from work several hours, once again stating she was no use to him in a vulnerable state. The ever-headstrong Serena did not have the will to fight and stand her ground. She felt lost and alone, she had no idea what to do with herself. She could not face heading back to the home with her Mother, it hurt too much to think that all her Mother saw her, as was a stranger. She did not want to drink, alcohol suddenly felt trivial and very ironic if she was drinking to forget her situation.

Serena also knew that she did not want to cry anymore, the tears had seemed endless. Night after night, visit after visit to her Mother had left her in tears and it was so exhausting. She was truly exhausted and she could not juggle her life anymore, not in a manageable way. Her work had truly taken a backseat and Guy's dismissal actually lifted a weight off her shoulders.

However, without work and her daughter not yet home for the summer from University and now her Mother with her debilitating condition. Serena realised just how alone she was in her life.

She just seemed to drive around in her car for hours after Guy dismissing her trying to distract her own mind from her own tormenting thoughts. Unaware of the time, Serena felt oblivious to the world around her. She did not feel any control over what she was doing all she knew was she following her gut feelings.

The clock struck ten-thirty in the evening as she rang the doorbell to friend and colleague Ric Griffin's house. He had only been back in the country a little over 36 hours after taking personal leave to spend time with his daughter. He had been out of contact with everyone in his life for the past three months, putting his child first for once in his life.

He was just about to head to bed when the doorbell rang, and came as a real shock when he saw Serena standing on his porch with tear-stained eyes. She just looked at him, unable to say a word, still questioning how and why she ended up here. Ric scrunched his face, surprised to see her.

She tried to speak, but no words came out, she was clearly struggling.

"Serena"

"... Ric, I didn't... Sorry, I shouldn't have come here" Serena replied instantly, questioning why she was here at Ric's house as she realised where she had wound up.

"_Serena_" Ric said again as he signalled for her to enter his home. "What's happened?" He asked, he did not care that she did not ask how he was, how Jess was. For Serena to turn up at his place like this, it spoke to him as something serious. He knew Serena all too well now and even, as her friend, he had never seen her like this before, not even after Edward.

"I didn't know where else to go, _who_ else to go to"

Ric nodded in silence

"I don't want to be on my own, tonight. I want you to hold me." Serena confessed, she needed someone to just be there; not say anything, just hold her.

Ric nodded and pulled her in tight, he could feel the weight of her pain bearing down on her. Her body felt heavy with emotion and he could feel her grip on to him for all she was worth. "If you need to stay, I have a spare room"

"I need you to hold me, _Ric_. Don't let me be alone, just hold me" Serena quivered, this was the lowest she had been in years, in decades. For the first time in her life, she needed someone because she felt terrified of doing this alone. Never had she asked anyone to support her through a difficult time, but today she really needed it, she needed Ric.

"Okay" Ric replied, he could not question her actions, now was not the time. He knew whatever was bothering Serena had hit her hard and she was reaching out. He just felt grateful that she was reaching out and it was to him.

After his initial hatred and annoyance of Serena, he had found a kind, heartfelt woman under the iron fist exterior. He found a true and loyal friend in her, and after seeing her relationship with Edward how he treated her and how he lied to her. He finally understood why she was the way she was. It made him value Serena so much more; it only made him care more, as a friend.

Rubbing her back and placing a gentle kiss on her hair, Ric pulled away from Serena, "Turn left at the top of the stairs, second door on the right. I will be there in a moment, I need to lock up"

Serena nodded, her eyes still stained red, but she felt this overwhelming sense of gratitude towards Ric after all he could have just sent her on her way or insisted that stayed in his spare room. Yet, he was letting her share his bed; that is how strong their friendship was, neither had to feel hesitant about it.

As she headed off up the stairs, Ric watched on Serena seemed fragile and his instinct to protect kicked in, if he could do anything he knew supporting her was the right thing to do, and he knew doing as she asked would give her a sense of worth.

After a locking up and turning off all the lights downstairs, Ric headed off to his bedroom. He found Serena sat cautiously on the end of the bed, her bag still over her arm. She seemed rather disconnected with herself, with the world.

"Relax, Serena. I won't bite... The spare room _is_ still there if you need it"

Serena looked to Ric almost helplessly. "No, I... I didn't want to come across as rude and... Well..."

"Do what you need to do; I shall avert my gaze... Or give you a few moments"

"It's fine, honestly" Serena replied as she stood up and placed her bag in the corner of the room. She slipped off her shoes and took off her red shirt that she wore over her black top and placed it on her bag. Sighing heavily, she made her way back to Ric's bed.

He had already taken off his dressing gown and thrown in aside, he had pulled back the covers for them both. "Take your preferential sleeping spot" Ric smiled

Serena raised a small smile as she naturally did as she would at home and climbed into the left hand side of the bed. Pulling up her side of the covers and laid herself down so she faced out to the wall, curling into a foetal position.

Once he had set his alarm and turned off the light, Ric walked in the darkness to his bed climbing in, pulling the covers up further. It may have been mid July and a little muggy, but it just did not feel right not to have the duvet on the bed or around them. "Do you still want me to..."

"_Please_" Serena interjected

She could hear Ric shuffle towards her, one of his arms slid through the gap between her neck and the pillow, the other arm around and squeezing her tight. Feeling his arms around her, his body pressed against her back gave her such a comfort. She could not explain how or why, it just felt like the only thing that would keep her going.

Moving her own arms so her hands could rest on his, Serena gripped hold of Ric. She almost felt like a little girl as a few warm tears fell down her face an onto Ric's arms. Although she felt, safe and his hold came as a great comfort to her. The sadness she felt, the thoughts that ran through her mind could not stop the tears. It was in Ric's arms that it felt like the safest place to cry, less painful physically, yet just as devastating emotionally.

Feeling the tears fall on his arms, Ric whispered, "I'm here, Serena... Whatever it is you're feeling let it out, I won't go anywhere..."

"It's my Mother" Serena revealed, she wasn't intending to go into detail or say anything of the matter to Ric, but she felt the need to as he was right, she needed to let it out.

"Has _she_...?"

"No, Dementia... It is bad Ric... I..."

"How long has she been like this?" Ric asked giving her a squeeze.

"A while, I had tried to ignore it. I did not want to believe that she would suffer more trauma than she had done in the past year or so. Six weeks ago, she went it to a residential care home and today... She didn't even know who _I_ was; she was terrified of me... I have lost her already. I feel _so_ sad and hurt... For the first time in my life I don't have the answers, I don't know what to do..." Serena's voice quaked

"You came to me..."

"_Sorry_... Maybe I should go..." Serena attempted to move from Ric's arms, but gave up before she even tried

"No, you're staying put and I'm staying right here with you"

"I'm so tired; I haven't slept properly in weeks..."

"Close your eyes"

"That doesn't help..."

"Just do it Serena" Ric pushed, he felt adamant it would work; he could feel that every bone in her body was completely exhausted and he could still feel the pain she carried inside her. He knew he could not fix this, but he could support his friend.

"Okay, eyes closed" Serena replied closing her eyes, and within a few moments she was out for the count. The different environment, the comfort of Ric holding her, her exhaustion meshed together and finally hit Serena.

The woman, who had been working on overdrive, pushing herself to the limits, and not taking a step back, finally stopped and burned out, keeping hold of her, just like she had asked, Ric too soon fell asleep.

Ii - ~~ - iI

The sound of Ric's alarm echoed in the room startling Serena, as she had not expected that she had not even realised Ric set his alarm last night.

Still in the position, they had not moved from since last night, although the covers were pulled down a little during the night, Serena allowed Ric to release from his hold of her, before settling back into the covers. Ric leaned over and turned off the alarm.

"What time is it?" Serena mumbled

"Half eight" Ric replied as his arms made their way back around Serena in a reflex move, "Car is booked for its MOT in about an hour's time..."

"It's okay, I'll be out your hair as soon as possible" Serena almost snuggled herself in to Ric she did not want him to leave for now the pain had stopped Ric had stopped the pain.

"Are you working later?"

"_Ha_, Guy's gave me a week to sort myself, I'm banned from working." Serena sighed, "Five more minutes and I will let you get on with your day"

"No, you can stay make yourself at home. Try and get some more sleep..."

"I feel like I've slept for a week" Serena remarked, "I've not had a decent night's sleep in a long time... I feel _rather_ refreshed"

"You needed it; I'm going to leave you to sleep... Like I say, treat this place like it's your own home"

Feeling Ric remove his arms from her once more and sit up in bed, Serena instinctively turned around and sat up, and she just looked at him, he looked at her. Not once did her eyes admire his bare torso to her, his physicality was never important. It was who Ric was as a person and how he made her feel that was important.

"Ric... I just... Thank you for not letting me go" Serena spoke as she leaned forward and then placed a kiss upon his cheek

Ric said nothing as he smiled and gave her a nod and that was all she needed from him. Sinking back down into the bed covers and rolling back on her side, Serena smiled to herself. She felt his hand squeeze her shoulder as he released his hand, she could feel him get off the bed; hear him clatter around for a few items before heading out the room.

She had no idea how she could express her gratitude to Ric for what he had done for her or express how much having him hold her in his arms made her feel a little better. He always managed to make things better, without getting to her, digging under her skin and making her feel pathetic like Edward used to.

Ric was a true friend, not many men would allow a woman into their bed just to comfort them and not expect or try anything sexual. He cared deeply for Serena and he hated seeing her like this, he hated how she tortured her own mind and if he as a friend could give her any amount of support that would just take the edge of things, he would.

Ii - ~~ - iI

Serena did as Ric told her to do and she made herself at home. At first, she found it a little strange to lay in his bed, whilst he was pottering about downstairs. It felt even stranger once she knew he was not in the house.

She found herself wandering around aimlessly, she had never been to Ric's home before, only dropped him off outside one night after a few drinks in Albies' where he did the drinking and she stayed on the orange juice, only because she had an important operation to do the next day.

As she explored Ric's home, she found herself pleasantly surprised as to how tidy and organised things were. Typically organised she must say, the tidiness that was the real surprise no man she ever knew could keep a house this tidy, single, or otherwise.

Ninety minutes after he had left Ric returned and he could sounds and smell a glorious smell from the kitchen; he made his way to the kitchen doorway and just smiled as he saw Serena cooking away. He let out a cough just to let her know he was there. His cough startled her as she turned and saw him standing there.

"Oh... _Oh_ sorry, I... I hope you don't mind, I took a shower... I found these in the cupboard with the towels. I put a quick wash on... My trousers are the only things that have not dried, despite the sun. So here I am stuck in this _hideous_ pair of scrubs..." Serena flustered, she knew Ric would be on his way back, but she was not ready for him to return.

Ric smiled "It's fine, I see you folded and ironed too..."

"It's the least I could do; I hope you don't think I'm taking liberties..."

"Not at all, Just Holby Care Salmon _really_ washes out your skin tone... Flushes you." Ric remarked, he had not meant it in any foul way, the colour just made Serena look pale, ill.

"Sorry to disappoint, I was hoping I'd get away with it all and that you'd never notice I stole them for a bit"

"I'm completely oblivious" Ric smiled "You _seem_ happier"

"Hmmmm, I can't thank you enough for just _being_ there, it helped, a lot. I am _not_ a needy person. However, Last night I just needed you... I needed a hug from a friend..." Serena replied, "I hope breakfast makes up it... I figured you'd be nearly on your way back and that you hadn't eaten"

"You didn't need to"

"I wanted to" Serena smiled as she picked up the two eggs from the side and cracked them into the frying pan. "We could be naughty and have a glass a white wine..."

"I take it as you have wine with your breakfast every morning"

"Not _all_ the time, so how about it"

"I suppose it can't hurt, I see you already picked out a bottle" he smiled; it seemed very typical of Serena to do so.

"Yeah, can't find a corkscrew, you do own one don't you?" Serena replied as she did a quick sweep check of the food cooking.

"I do, I keep it here" Ric responded fetching it from the cupboard he kept his condiments in.

"Well that's a silly place to keep it, _honestly_ Ric..." Serena remarked, taking the corkscrew and pushing it into the bottle. She got half way through before giving up frustrated that the cork was not lifting.

Ric brushed up behind Serena as she gave up on attempting opening the bottle with his rather old corkscrew. The feel of their bodies touching sent a soothing sensation to them both. Serena tried to ignore it as Ric stood behind her unscrewing the Wine.

"It's a pesky thing, I really should get a new one," Ric grunted as he managed to unscrew the cork, he placed dove the bottle and cork still hovering behind Serena.

"You should" Serena sighed as she turned her head to face him, she had no idea what had come over her but she felt this strong desire to kiss his lips. Bringing up her shaking hand to his cheek, she knew he felt it too.

Then it just happened, their lips gently brushed together and lingered around before they sealed the deal with a firm and assured kiss. Pulling away, Serena suddenly realised what they had done, but it was not the fear of the line between close friends that sunk in. It was the realisation that she was not watching the food she was cooking.

"_Shit_... Serena, I'm sorry I shouldn't have"

"No, don't be... I..." Serena gave a nod and pointed to the now destroyed eggs "Let's hope I don't burn anything else..."

"I wouldn't blame you if you did"

Serena rolled her eyes, she knew what Ric was implying and why. Yet she chose to ignore it, they kissed these things happen and if anything if she wanted to she would say that was her way of really saying thank you. What she really felt regarding the kiss, that was complex and she did not really know why she felt the need to kiss him, she just did and she did not feel the need to know why he kissed her back.

As she served up their breakfast, she could feel things had slipped into an uneasy territory, and she sensed that Ric was worried that she may feel he had taken advantage of her vulnerability. It was in his nature to worry like that and he was worried, what sort of friend did that? He questioned his own motives and the possibility, that they may have got a little too close last night. Underneath everything, their friendship was a little complicated, there had always been something there, but neither would allow it to be anything but friendship.

"Why the long face? I instigated the kiss it was _my_ doing... completely harmless, nice but harmless" Serena spoke as she watched Ric hesitantly pour the wine as she put the finishing touches to the food on the plate.

Ric looked to her, "Sorry" his response caused Serena to roll her eyes. "Food looks delightful, egg or no egg... We can eat in the living room"

"Okay"

Heading into the living room, they both sat on the large sofa and began to eat, not saying anything but just being in the moment. Yet as they, sat there eating a thought started to niggle away in Serena's mind. She had felt fine all morning and now she found herself consumed with wonder and curiosity.

"Ric ..."

"_Yes_"

"Can I ask a favour, you can say no, but..." Serena sighed, "I would like it if you came with me this afternoon when I go and see my mum, _please_... She liked you, made a point of telling me how lovely your bedside manner is, what a great surgeon you are. You're everything I'm not..."

"If you want me there, I suppose I could join you, but I'm not sure you'll get the answers you are looking for"

"If she remembers you... And not me"

"Stop, Serena. This conversation, we are _not_ having it. You need to stop thinking like this"

"Yesterday, she asked for you" Serena revealed, maybe that it why she ended up here at his house last night a subconscious thought that Ric could fix things in more ways than one. She had not even remembered it until now. "She saw our latest locum Anaesthetist Mr. Law walking through AAU, and she asked for _you_ to treat her"

Serena pushed her plate down onto the coffee table and brought her hands to her mouth, that painful feeling came back to stab her heart. This was a lot harder than she had ever imagined and she had no idea what was happening to her, or her Mother for that matter. Serena feared that her Mother's quick deterioration was only going to get worse and rapidly too.


End file.
